Question 15 - How can I buy a copy of your new book?

What a wonderful question and so well timed as my new book is now available in a number of formats (well, two).

"They All Die At The End" is a collection of short stories dealing with loss, alienation, violence, moral dilemma, tax evasion, shopkeeping, bad driving and restringing a ukulele - amongst other things. The stories are gripping, compelling and, (very) occasionally, funny. Oh, and you can probably guess how each of them ends.

This book is now available on the Amazon Kindle platform!

"How very convenient," I hear you say, "but I don't have a Kindle".

Well, fear not because Kindle software is also available for PC, Mac, Android, iPhone/Pod/Pad, Blackberry, Windows Phone and dishwasher. Surely you've got one of those?

And the Kindle version is enticingly cheap to buy - a whole book of ten stories for only £1.71 or, if you live in the USA, $2.99. I know, that's not a great exchange rate but I don't set the rules - Amazon do.


Alternatively, you can go old-school and order a conveniently pocket-sized paperback from lulu.com. That's more expensive - but paper doesn't grow on trees, you know.

Or you can just buy a copy from me and avoid postage costs.


But whatever you do - buy a copy! Quick!

Question 14 - is this blog dead or just resting?

What a wonderful question, even if I did have to write it myself.

This blog is resting - as much as a coiled spring rests. It only takes the trigger of a real question from a concerned person for the blog to come back to life, rub the sleep from its eyes and hurtle into action.

In the meantime, you can read about matters of writing, politics, humour, culture and anything else that comes to mind over at my other blog here.

Question 13 - We're told that putting your TV on stand-by uses almost as much power as leaving it on. Is this true?

The question is too long for the subject line of this posting and so I have reproduced it here in full:

We're told that putting your TV on stand-by uses almost as much power as leaving it on. My question is in three parts:
1) Is this true?
2) If so, what's using all the power if the TV is simply primed to receive a signal from the remote?
3) Does this also apply to plasma, LCD and LED TVs?

I cannot claim to have conducted thorough research into the history of televisual standby arrangements but I have a hazy recollection of some manufacturer once launching a telly that would spring back to life from standby more quickly, mainly due to the fact that it didn't switch itself off properly in the first place. I assume this sort of thing is responsible for the claims of energy-hungry standby modes.

In the cold light of 2009, I find it hard to believe that any television made in the last ten years or so would fall into this category. Indeed, an estimate for the power consumption of televisions, taken from the internet (so definitely true) is as follows:

Cathode Ray Tube (remember them?) 200W (5W)
Liquid crystal display (LCD) 210W (2W)
Plasma 275W (4W)

Standby power rating is given in brackets. All of these sets give a similar size of picture.

As you can see, standby power consumption is very low, typically costing two or three (Great British) pounds per year. You may well consider that such a paltry amount of money is a small price to pay for the benefit of never having to walk over to your television and press a button. On the other hand, consider that with around twenty million tellies in the UK, this could amount to around forty million extra quid going to energy companies. People of Britain (and elsewhere), the choice is yours.

Followers Of This Blog

A quick note to any followers of this website... (Yes, I know that's currently one person but, as the cliché would have it, from small acorns, mighty oak trees will certainly grow.)

If you are following this blog using a user-name substantially different from your real-world-name, please sate my curiosity by sending me an email telling me who you are.

Thank you. It's much nicer to know when there are friendly faces in the audience.

Question 12 - If your website becomes a success will you be able to successfully off-shore answering questions to a staff of thousands...?

Due to the limitations of Blogger, the original question was truncated above. The full question is:

If your website becomes a success will you be able to successfully off-shore answering questions to a staff of thousands somewhere in Bangalore?

Clearly I am disappointed by the lack of faith shown by your use of the word 'if' at the top of the question. Nevertheless, I shall keep calm and carry on.

Once this website has established itself as the "go-to" place for those posing questions, dilemmas, paradoxes, worries or those seeking ready-made opinions, it may become tempting to outsource information gathering, while maintaining strict quality and stylistic control of the replies.

Nevertheless, people of the world, I give you my guarantee that this will not happen. I will not allow it to be happen. I will not allow the careful accumulation of facts by a team, whether in Bangalore or Bangor or Balham, to colour the replies that are posted here.

Instead, all answers will be carefully honed from the knowledge already within my head, unless I'm sufficiently interested in your quandary to bother to look up a few minor points (probably on Wikipedia). All sentences will be written using the two hands at the ends of my arms, directed only by thoughts from my brain.

In particular, once we are out of the initial phase and you are parting with your pounds by the thousands, it is important that you know precisely what you will be getting. It will be my advice, it will be my answer, it will be written by me for you.

Question 11 - Should I be embarrassed that we left our holiday in the Lake District early for a day in Blackpool?

Obviously not.

To prove that there is no need for embarrassment, consider the question the other way around. Should you be embarrassed that you accidentally booked one more day than necessary in the Lake District and therefore mitigated against this mistake by partaking of a day's frivolity in Blackpool? Only a hard-hearted misanthrope could possibly insist on embarrassment in that eventuality and therefore spinning the question back to its original configuration should similarly give rise to no cheek-pinkening.

A better question would be whether 'pinkening' is an acceptable neologism.

Question 10 - Why are bee colonies collapsing? Is my mobile phone to blame?

There are many and various theories to explain the collapse in bee colonies, or 'colony collapse disorder' as it is sometimes called. I'll call it 'CCD' because it takes less time to type - and less time for you to say out loud.

None of these theories have anything to do with mobile phones so, unless you have been travelling throughout Europe (or even the world), hammering at beehives with your ruggedised Nokia, your armour-plated Sony Ericsson or your jacked-up Blackberry, I think we can rule out mobile phone involvement.

Yes, I appreciate that you might have been referring to low-level radiation or some other pseudo-scientific hokus-pokus nonsense but there has, thus far, been ABSOLUTELY NO link proven between mobile phones and the destruction of anything, except possibly the ability to view a city skyline without seeing a bunch of transmitters cluttering it up.

The short answer is that CCD could be caused by the varroa mite sucking the lifeblood out of the poor itty-bitty insects - unless it's the fault of some evil pesticide or the wet summers we've had of late.